Whether you’re negotiating a new trade deal, debating to get a friend to see your point of view, wanting to attract a cooperative and enjoyable spouse, or aiming to complete a major lifelong goal, “Getting What You Want” usually comes down to a mix of clear and direct communication skills, emotional intelligence and guided self-discipline.
This is not about dangerous manipulation—it’s about alignment or purpose. When your goals align with the value of also instigating growth and development for others, that is when momentum starts moving in your favor.
Here is a breakdown of how to approach getting what you want effectively.
1. Define the “What” and the “Why”
Before you can persuade anyone else, you have to be sold on your own mission. Vague desires lead to vague results.
- Precision: Don’t say “I want a better deal.” Say “I want a megaton of Sugar with the CIF (Cost, Insurance, and Freight) carried by you.”
- Motivation: Understand your why. If your motivation is grounded in values rather than just ego, you’ll be much more resilient when you hit a “no.”
2. The Psychology of Persuasion
If your goal involves other people, you need to speak their language.
- Solve Their Problem: People are naturally self-interested. Instead of saying “I want this,” ask “How does me getting this help them?”
- The Principle of Reciprocity: Do something for others first. When you provide value without being asked, people feel a psychological “debt” to help you in return.
- Confidence vs. Arrogance: Confidence is knowing you can do the job; arrogance is thinking you’re the only one who can. People want to help confident people; they want to humble arrogant ones.
3. The Art of the Ask
Many people fail simply because they never actually ask.
- Be Direct: Don’t hint. “I was wondering if maybe…” is weak. Try: “I’ve thought this through, and I’d like to propose [X].”
- The Power of Silence: After you make an ask, stop talking. Silence is a powerful tool in negotiation. The first person to speak often gives up ground.
4. Emotional Intelligence (EQ)
Getting what you want requires a high degree of “Situational Awareness.”
- Soft Leveraging: Ask for a short sell right when the owner is displaying stress about a foreclosure.
- Proactive Listening: Sometimes, the best way of Getting What You Want is to simply just proactively listen to the other person’s objections. If you can better understand a persons “no,” often times you can better find a way to turn it into a “yes.”
A Quick Reality Check
“The first step to getting what you want is to have the courage to get rid of what you don’t.” — Zig Zigler
Focus is the most effective tool for getting what you want. Reach for the things that you want, and your energy will be more effectively leveraged towards having those things.